For the first time in my life, I made a 30 day, nonnegotiable commitment to myself. This coming from a person who falters even committing to a too long series on Netflix.
Today marks the completion of this 30 day journey.
My 30 day commitment was to my morning ritual – yoga practice, meditation, and gratitude journaling.
I have of course honored commitments before. The difference was that these commitments were to an external source where there was built in accountability.
This time, the only one to hold myself accountable was myself. And boy was that a terrifying thing!
In the past, I’ve incorporated morning rituals into my life, but never as a daily practice. I would allow external circumstances and my internal state to dictate whether or not I actually showed up for myself.
In my mind, this inconsistency was justified as self love – allowing wiggle room for the days that I “couldn’t” do the thing.
When in actuality, this was simply a story I was telling myself. I had convinced myself that my desire to show up fully for myself was entirely conditional.
I didn’t commit to loving myself and showing myself care in the way I know I need.
Before embarking on this journey, I knew that this time would be different.
And so I hesitated for months, questioning if this was a commitment I “could” keep or if it was something that I would abandon on a whim.
I made excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t ready, or why it wasn’t healthy to be so rigid if I wanted to come more into my feminine energy.
The final straw was the recent passing of my dear Grandpa, and I spiraled into a depression deeper than I have felt in many years.
I had a choice to make.
I could allow myself to be consumed by the depression by doing nothing, laying in bed, escaping through Netflix, isolating, and binging on snacks. (And admittedly, this is exactly what I did for the first week of the grieving process.)
Or I could choose to do something different this time.
I knew that if I was going to dig myself through this depression and come out the other side, I would need to make a change and take action to claim sovereignty over my energetic state.
What I came to realize was that in committing to this journey, I would have to actively choose to make it so. It was not something that I could show up to passively.
This time, I had to actually love myself enough to honor the promises I made with myself. I had to love myself enough to be disciplined in talking myself into showing up on the mat even when I “didn’t feel like it”.
You see, self love isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. It isn’t just the bubble baths, following your joy, and sleeping in.
It is all those things, AND also choosing to make the challenging decisions in the present that will build you a future you thrive in.
Self love is incomplete without discipline.
Yeah, I said what I said.
In completing this 30 day journey, I feel more in alignment with myself than ever. I have proven to myself that I CAN do anything I commit to, even if it is challenging.
I have cultivated an even deeper relationship with myself based on self trust, mastery, accountability, love, and understanding.
And in doing so, my Heart is opening even more to the magic within me and around me. As my Heart opens more to myself, it also opens more to others – and I am able to show up more fully for everyone around me.
This little experiment with commitment has changed my life! And if you’ve made it to the end of this post, I know it can do the same for you.
I’ll be continuing on with my morning ritual journey and continue to show up fully in my practice of self mastery. And I’ll be embracing every state of being along the way with gratitude.
If you’re curious about how to start your own 30 day commitment, shoot me a message and let’s talk self love together!