How The Masculine Wound Impacts Self Discipline

Most of us have masculine wounding. And this trauma is often the root cause of a lack of discipline. 

Whether that stems from absent fathers, abusive relationships with fathers and other men, or relationships with men and fathers who are emotionally unavailable determines how this wounding is translated into the subconscious mind and subsequently how it manifests in our day to day actions, behaviors, and patterns.

Now, before I dive deeper into this – I must clarify. Regardless of gender identity, biological sex, or sexual orientation, we ALL have masculine and feminine energies within us. 

The terms divine masculine and divine feminine in this sense are one piece of the universal principles of duality energetics.

We all would benefit from balancing and healing our masculine and feminine energies. This is where duality transforms into unity. 

In the work I’ve done with clients, as well as in my own life, I’ve discovered that most Western women today have compensated for their childhood wounds by becoming hyper-masculine. 

This hyper-masculinization manifests as being extremely rigid, lack of surrender and flow, inability to receive, and use of control in order to create safety.

For men, early childhood masculine wounding in correspondence to the relationship with fathers, leads to a suppression of their own masculine energy as a survival mechanism to adapt to their environment. 

Those of us who have unhealed masculine wounding that is rooted in an early childhood abuse, suppression, or rejection of the masculine pole, display a hyper-feminization of our energy. 

Hyper-feminization manifests as a lack of structure and discipline, poor ability to assert and maintain boundaries, difficulty with being present, low confidence in personal power, and absence of drive and motivation.

The feminine or masculine energy itself is not the problem. The issue arises when there is an imbalance between the masculine and feminine poles within our own energy bodies.

So, how does the masculine wound manifest as a lack of discipline?

When our masculine energy is stuck in a disempowered state – we become passive and unstructured, unable to follow through with a drive to move forward and utilize action in order to bring about what we want into existence. 

We start to believe that our masculine willpower is of no consequence – it is worthless in creating the result we desire.

A popular core belief here is – “I cannot use my willpower to create what I want because what I want is wrong and using my personal power will only cause me harm.” 

This belief is especially prevalent if our authentic selves were rejected and conditionally loved during childhood. If a child views their personal will as something shameful, it makes sense that they would adapt by abandoning their own desires in order to survive.   

So the issue with discipline isn’t actually that we are lazy, apathetic, or just couldn’t be bothered to motivate ourselves. 

The root of the wound with discipline stems from the subconscious program we adopted that our masculine energy is wrong, shameful, dangerous, and bad. 

We view our personal willpower as something harmful to us, especially when it got us into trouble in childhood through a withdrawal of love, constant criticism, abuse, rejection, and abandonment. 

Naturally, it reasons to follow that if our personal willpower is something that is dangerous for our wellbeing, then the sustained use of our personal willpower to bring about a certain reality – discipline – is exponentially more harmful, and must be avoided at all costs.

This is why some of us can be so disciplined when it comes to going to school or working at a job that we don’t particularly enjoy, and yet have a challenging time being disciplined when pursuing things that are meaningful and worthwhile to ourselves. 

Personal willpower exercised to meet societal expectations feels safer. And it is even perceived as necessary to survive.

Whereas discipline for the sake of being true to one’s own calling and purpose is more challenging to exercise and sustain. It all makes sense when it stems from a pattern of vilifying our desires and authentic selves.

We’ve adopted a belief that we are inherently wrong – that something is wrong with us. And if something is wrong with us, this means we are not good enough, and our desires and goals are not valid.

Healing the relationship with discipline often isn’t as simple as just doing it. 

Yes, simply forcing ourselves to take the action may work in the short term. The challenges reveal themselves in the sustainability and longevity of these endeavors.

Radical self acceptance and shameless validation of our emotions, needs, and desires is the first step in healing our association with discipline. 

From there, we begin to build on top of our healing relationship with our masculine energy, and slowly add on other tools to craft a more disciplined life. 

With a disciplined mindset shift, the act of simply wishing evolves into becoming a force of creation to be reckoned with. 

Make The Shift From Determinism To Free Will With Discipline

Which is stronger? Instant gratification or your ability to resist temptation in order to build something greater? 

Discipline is the missing link between the life you have now and everything you want to manifest! 

Manifestation, contrary to popular belief in some circles, is an ACTIVE process. 

It is not about wishing things into existence. Instead, it is a collaborative process in which you meet the magic of the Universe halfway in cocreating what you envision through taking measured action.

Now this action may look different for everyone, and it doesn’t always mean putting your nose to the grindstone. 

Along my journey, some of the biggest pivots in my manifestation game came from cognitive shifts I actively and consciously worked on every. Single. Day. 

The discipline doesn’t always need to exist in the external force you put out into the world. Sometimes it’s about training your mind through reframing your perspectives, cultivating inner harmony with your emotions, and resolving internal resistance.

Discipline is the essential fuel in taking the action, even in the face of discomfort, and it is fed by a commitment to your WHY – your reason for being, for doing, for living. 

It’s all too easy to get distracted by empty pleasures. 

That instant dopamine hit that comes from eating that snack, binging on Netflix, or checking social media notifications can be extremely tempting. 

An untrained mind may bend and cave to impulse – it is far more effortless to do the things you’ve always done, and to exist the way you’ve always been. 

However, if we continue to operate from our subconscious programming, we fall into the clutches of Determinism – we’re not exercising our free will and we are running our life on autopilot.  

Free Will comes into play when we use discipline to reprogram our beliefs, thus changing our thought patterns, which shifts our entire reality and gives us the option to actually come into our sovereignty and exercise free will. 

The option to step into Free Will only comes through tapping into the conscious mind.

So which is it going to be? 

Are we going to allow our programming to dictate our thoughts, emotions, actions, and therefore, continue to play the role of who we have been taught to be?

Or are we going to step into our power, claim ownership over our minds and bodies, and grow into who we came here to be? 

The choice is yours, my friend! 

We owe it to the ourselves and the world to own our fullest potential and stop taking the easier path. The world needs our gifts more than ever. 

Discipline Means Not Always Following Your Joy

There is a delicate balance between following what feels good in the present moment, and discipline. 

If you’re reading this post, chances are you are no stranger to the world of self care and personal development. 

It can become an increasingly tricky world to navigate the longer we are immersed in it because of the shadow side of spirituality – the spiritual ego can masquerade as enlightenment and spiritual bypassing may dress itself up as living in the Now.

An important question we could benefit from pondering is – am I subscribing to the follow your joy philosophy because it is truly in alignment with my purpose or am I using this philosophy to avoid discomfort in the present moment? 

Growth is not found within the confines of our comfort zone. Growth and healing are uncomfortable – they push the boundaries of our current limitations. 

Just as training the physical body comes with certain aches and pains in the process of building strength, flexibility, and endurance, so too does the same happen with the mind.

Where does your desire for comfort end and your ability to exercise your will power begin?

Discipline sometimes means doing the thing that doesn’t always feel the greatest in the moment. 

It means working through your resistance and coming to a place of internal consensus as to what is truly in alignment with your path – not only in the present experience, but also with the future you are building.

Discipline can feel uncomfortable. It can feel rigid and unyielding. 

It is also the cornerstone for maximizing your innate potential.

There are times to be gentle with ourselves, to revel in the spontaneity of life, and to indulge in what makes us feel good in the moment. 

And there are also times to be disciplined in the standards we hold ourselves to because we know that it is this structure, this accountability, and personal responsibility that drives us to become our fullest versions. 

To strike a balance between these two poles is an art form in itself. 

We owe it to ourselves and the world to explore what true discipline and mastery means to us. 

With the tenacity and the skill to embody these traits, we break through our self-imposed limitations. It is then that the improbable becomes possible. 

With discipline, what you desire becomes what you have created.

Wisdom From The Crone

My Crone has been speaking to me lately – she’s the wizened, future me in her late 50’s – early 60’s. Silver-haired and wrinkled with wisdom. She reminds me to take it easy. She shows me how abundant she is –

And how abundant I already am. 

I’ve been able to tap more into that future self in this past year. Not so able to see the surrounding circumstances, but rather, channeling how I feel in the future. As if  everything I’m desiring and co-creating is already here. And that’s when I realize, it already is. 

I just need to keep doing the work. 

plant by ariari is licensed under CC | Source

You see, even plants have a season of underground growth. 

You’re digging through the mud, working your way towards the light, getting dirty in all the shadow work, mastering your craft, learning new skills, having the ugly cries. 

The wisdom of the Crone is that everything happens in cycles and seasons. 

There are times of expansion AND contraction. Both are necessary just as the breath comes with inhales and exhales. 

And when you pay extra close attention, you’ll start to notice, that each time you contract, the following expansion opens you even wider – to love, to bliss, to peace, to purpose, to new growth sure to come. 

There is a time to sow and a time to reap. 

plant by Yamanaka Tanaki is licensed under CC | Source

Don’t get down on yourself during the times of underground growth, where you’re busting your ass, you’re not seeing tangible results, where you’re reassessing and learning – these are the times to be kind with yourself. 

Be gentle in how you hold yourself. 

Don’t let your outcome define your self worth. Don’t let who you are become attached to what you do. 

If part of your inner work right now is to come into a place of emotional and relational harmony with yourself, then we must learn how to unhook ourselves from the cycle of emotional rollercoastering. (That’s right, I just made rollercoastering a word.)

In fact, you’re already doing just that aren’t you? That’s why you’re here. Be patient with this part of the process. 

This is the season when you’re learning resilience in every sense of the word. 

3 Ways To Find Your Focus

Friday, oh glorious Friday!

For most of us, Friday symbolizes all that is free and good left in the world – it marks the triumphant (albeit exhaustive) end of the day-in-day-out tedious drudgery of the work week.

Friday is the day we are able to collectively stick it to the man, shouting with exuberance, “You don’t own me anymore! …At least not until Monday.”

Continue reading 3 Ways To Find Your Focus

3 Phrases To Eliminate To Create Success

Goal! by William Whyte
Image Credit: Goal! by William Whyte is licensed under CC by SA 2.0; Source: link

How many times have we tried to accomplish a particular goal or make a passionate dream of ours a reality, only to have it fall short?

Or how many times have we made a small amount of progress, only to settle or give up before reaching the height we set for ourselves?

I know I for one have, on more than one occasion.

Continue reading 3 Phrases To Eliminate To Create Success