4 Ways For How To Heal The Relationship With Your Inner Child

In my last post, we talked about what Inner Child healing is and where it comes from. (You can read more about that here.)

I’d like to share with you guys someone very special to me today…

Meet my Inner Child – that’s right, this special someone, is in fact, my own dang adorable self!

Here is little baby Grace, approximately 3 years of age… Who would have thought this tiny bundle of mischief would be running her own coaching practice as an adult?!

When I first started my own Inner Child work as part of my healing journey before bringing it into my coaching practice, I had a difficult time being kind to my child self. 

What helped me to heal my internal dialogue with my Inner Child was carrying a picture of my child self and envisioning this part of myself when doing the work.

It’s far too easy to become detached from our Inner Child self when it is an intangible, amorphous idea, rather than a precious small child we can actually visualize and see.

If you’re like me and have a hard time initiating a healing process with a part of you that you cannot see, it may be worth it to carry around a physical or digital photo of your childhood self to assist on your journey.

This way, you know exactly who you are working together with during this healing experience.

So, how exactly do we start this process of healing the relationship with our Inner Child? 

Here are four tried and true methods I’ve used in my coaching practice as well as along my own journey that can help you connect deeply with your Inner Child to cultivate healing of childhood wounds, and to allow the magic of your radiant, creative child self to shine through!

1. Inner Child Meditation 

Visualize your child self and notice the age you are, the emotions you feel, the environment you are in. When any memories surface, dive into them if you feel safe to do so and practice observing your child self in the experience with loving kindness and compassion. Bring awareness to the dominant emotions of this child’s experience and any thought patterns that may arise. 

Diving into this style of meditation can feel rather daunting if you’ve never done it before, especially for those of us with very painful childhood memories.

Enlisting the expertise of a coach, therapist, or other trusted practitioner can be incredibly beneficial, especially to create a safe container for working through traumatic experiences.

You can also use a guided meditation, there is a plethora available on YouTube and other platforms. 

For those of us who may be more practiced in the art of Inner Child Work, you may want to accompany your child self as your current adult self throughout these meditations.

One of my favorite questions to ask clients during this process is “What does your child self need from you in this moment that they never received?” You can then create the opportunity to give that experience to your Inner Child during meditation to close out the experience. 

2. Journaling Through The Voice Of Your Inner Child

Creating a regular practice of journaling through various emotional states through the voice of your child self is particularly beneficial for those of us who find it challenging to experience and regulate our emotions.

As children, we do not come into the human experience knowing how to regulate our own nervous systems, and thus we rely on our caregivers to teach us how to do so. Some parents do a better job of this than others based on what their own experiences and capabilities are. 

You may want to settle into the journaling process by taking a few deep, belly breaths and allowing your Inner Child to come forth in your mind. 

When we tap into this part of ourselves, we encourage our most vulnerable emotions to be revealed to us, particularly if we are accustomed to suppressing, rejecting, and denying our own emotions because this is what we learned.

We may even be doing this with so-called “positive” emotions such as joy, curiosity, and love. 

Invite yourself to be uncensored in this process and let this process be a safe space for you to express freely. Allow yourself to fully feel whatever comes up for you, whether they are “negative” or “positive” emotions, and let the ink fly!

3. Reparenting Your Inner Child

While the reparenting process may sound rather obscure and abstract at first, it becomes second-nature with practice and patience. It does however require awareness of the internal experience of your Inner Child. 

A helpful place to start is to bring gentle awareness to the internal world throughout the day. 

What are you feeling? What thoughts are running through your mind? How are you speaking to yourself?

A client I worked with faced many challenges relating to the internal dialogue he had with himself. When his Inner Child would experience a less desirable “negative” emotion such as sadness or anger, both of which are valuable messengers from our bodies, his default reaction would be to criticize and invalidate his own emotions.

Because we internalize the voices we heard most as children, as adults we now recreate these voices and often inflict abuse upon ourselves. 

Through the reparenting process, he was able to compassionately acknowledge and validate his emotions.

By changing the voice of his internal authority figure, he was able to heal the relationship between this part of himself and his Inner Child. This made it safer for him to experience his varying emotional states and gave him valuable information for how to move through the world. 

Treat your Inner Child and meet their needs in the way you would have wanted when you were younger.

Speak to yourself with kindness, be patient with your process, create structure and discipline where necessary, and learn how to best care for yourself. 

4. Create And Play As Your Inner Child

Make art, dance, sing, run around in nature, let yourself be wild and free! 

As we journey through life as adults, so many of us lose the spark of vitality and wonder we all have as children. We actively suppress or dissociate from the creative, playful nature that is integral to the human incarnation.

Yet again, we perpetuate what we have been taught. 

As children, we are often taught to grow up, to focus on the future, to stop being such a  child. It becomes second nature for us to play this narrative on repeat in our minds like a broken record player.

Little do we know, most adults haven’t evolved beyond childhood emotional maturity, and yet, the beautiful parts of being a child are things we actively resist and reject! 

Take some time to reflect on what you really loved doing as a child. Make a promise to yourself to create a regular practice of doing that thing as part of your self care and allow yourself to be fully immersed in it. 

Inner Child Work isn’t always rainbows and butterflies, though that is certainly an integral part of the process. Sometimes it can be dark, and scary. Sometimes it can be disheartening and painful.

All of us on this human journey have experienced childhood trauma. This is a part of the current initiation process on Earth that shows us where our gifts truly lie. 

It is all too easy to get stuck in despair and shadow, so we must actively choose to step out of the role of the victim and into a more empowered state.

The power to decide lies with you, and you alone.

If you’re going to choose to do the nitty gritty work, you may as well have some fun along the way, take a lesson from childhood and play! 

Finding Forgiveness Through Inner Child Meditation

This is what no one tells you about meditation. 

Some days are going to suck. It’s not all going to be rainbows and butterflies, mountains and peace, rivers and joy.

My meditation this morning made me weep… like actually bawl and release a flood of giant anime-like tears that you only see in Studio Ghibli movies. 

I had just finished my yoga practice, and went to lay down on my mat. Feeling all zoned out and relaxed, I expected to have a peaceful meditation… but no. 

My Inner Child had different plans for me.

I was walking through the forest when I saw her standing in the distance, waiting for me with arm outstretched and palm open. As I met her hand with mine, she led me through the brush to a mountain with an ornate wooden door embedded into the rocks. 

As I pushed the door open, I was greeted by the people who have hurt me in the past.

Immediately, feelings of pain, fear, and anger welled up in my chest. 

In the middle of the cavern in between me and the people I had not yet fully forgiven, was a column of vibrant, green light. Drawn in like a moth to a flame, I stepped into the embrace of this healing light. 

I watched as my child self, no older than three years old, stepped up to each of my transgressors. As she looked into the eyes of each, they transformed into small children.

And I was able to see the pain they, too, held. 

I was able to see the ex who broke my heart by cheating on me – a small child dealing with a mother addicted to heroin who let his pain leak onto me because he had not healed.

I was able to see my grandpa who recently passed who made me feel like my emotions were bad by knocking me on the head when I was being “too much” – a small child who had grown up in oppressive communist China which very different values, who hadn’t healed his heart from the physical and emotional abuse he endured. 

I was able to see the men who violated my body – small children so stripped of their own power that they had to take it from someone else to feel enough, rather than reclaiming their own healing.

The tears came like an exorcism of all the pain I’ve held onto in my life as I watched my child self step up to each of these hurting, broken children and hug them tightly, wiping away their own tears and gently kissing their wounds. 

She came to me to be comforted for being so brave in the face of a very scary process of understanding and forgiveness. 

I held her close, as she sobbed, whispering how beautiful she is and how brave her heart is. The green light swirled around us until it entered both our hearts like a wave of fresh air.

And I felt so free.

You see, forgiveness is not about excusing people for how they hurt you or saying that what they did was okay or right. 

It is not about absolving them of their wrongs or condoning their harmful behavior.

Forgiveness is choosing to let go of your own pain and loving yourself enough to release what’s still keeping you stuck. 

And it only happens when you’re ready.

If we don’t heal our own wounds, we will continue to leak that pain onto everyone around us. 

The cycle of hurt continues until someone is brave enough to stop it by feeling it, healing it, and releasing it.

So yes, meditation can sometimes suck. 

Meditation can be painful. There are days where it feels like your heart is being ripped from your chest as you release decades worth of pain and suffering. 

And yet, this is the beauty of the practice. 

Because I am able to hold space for my own pain, to love myself fully in all my forms, and show up courageously, I can extend this same presence to the others and the world.

The journey always starts within. 

And no one promised that this journey would be easy, just that it would be worth it because the treasures we find in the healing are priceless.

And they are YOURS. 

Are you ready to claim your healing?

A Heartfelt Message For The Millennial Generation

Where does a lack of discipline come from? 

Millennials – this is going to be spicy! This is your fair warning – if you don’t see triggering as a portal to growth, I kindly suggest you keep scrolling and move on with your day. 

My fellow millennials, with love I must observe – we’ve become soft. 

When I say soft, I don’t mean in the good sense. There is a time and place, of course, for softness – for gentleness and ease, for flow and surrender.

Soft in this sense means lacking a backbone, being absent of willpower, discipline, and the ability to self motivate and commit to something. 

We as a collective have lost the ability to persevere in the face of hardship and challenge. 

While it wasn’t necessarily our fault that we’ve learned to become this way, it damn well is our responsibility now to take ownership of that and unlearn this way of moving through the world. 

Unless of course, it is serving you in some way – in which case… carry on. 

A major issue I’ve noticed in the millennial generation is learned helplessness. We crumble in the face of opposition, tuck tail and run when confronted with uncomfortable friction. 

It isn’t our fault that we’ve been programmed to be this way. 

We’ve been taught that if we follow the trajectory society has laid out for us – school, job, marriage, kids – that we are guaranteed success. And that this material, societally defined definition of “success” means we will achieve our way into happiness.

So many of us are finding that this illusion is a fallacy that leads to an unfulfilling life trapped in the rat race matrix.

It doesn’t take a genius to see that we’ve been dealt a pretty shit hand – climate change caused by our own carelessness and apathy, systemic racism, medical systems that profit from dis-ease, global corruption, food systems based on abuse and exploitation, catastrophic levels of mental dis-ease, rape of the feminine – just to name a few.

Add on top of that the fact that older generations monopolize positions of power and influence, unwilling to pass the baton and abdicate the proverbial throne. 

However, can we blame them? 

Can we blame them for not trusting us to hold our own? For not believing we are ready to lead?

Because from what I can see, they are right.

We, as a collective, aren’t ready… Yet. 

We’ve been too busy playing the “poor me” game. We’ve been too busy whining about the unfairness and injustice of it all – how ill equipped we are to deal with the daunting reality of the monumental changes we need to make to survive as a species. 

We’ve been preoccupied with blaming Baby Boomers for fucking things up. We’ve been distracted by the shiny newness of things that satisfy our addiction to instant gratification. 

We’ve been making excuses for why it’s too hard, and why it’ll never work. 

We’ve convinced ourselves that this world is doomed. And if this is what we continue to tell ourselves, this is what we will continue to see, and how things will continue to be.

We’ve been so fixated on pointing the finger trying to figure out who’s fault it is that we’ve forgotten that we ALL have had a part to play.

When will it be time to claim responsibility over your part?

We can choose to continue to be soft, to lack discipline and drive, to balk in the face of responsibility and commitment – to make excuses as to why we can’t, or shouldn’t, or won’t. 

After all, this lack of discipline stems from a core belief we made with ourselves due to the trauma we’ve experienced. 

We have learned that hard work does not pay off. 

We’ve learned that the route society planned for us is a trap. We’ve learned that no matter what we do, we won’t get what we want anyway, so why bother even trying? 

The core belief comes from a part of you that has been so wounded in the past, that it associates discipline with an undesirable outcome. 

I invite you to consider that the issue isn’t discipline itself. 

The problem was a reward-punishment style system that duped us into unwilling or half-hearted discipline to achieve things that society dictated were important or worthwhile. All with little to no pay off, and for many of us – piles and piles of debt. 

But what if we were to learn to be disciplined about the things that resonate with our soul, our inner calling, our belief in something greater than ourselves?

What if we were to channel that discipline into rising to the invitation to be our most empowered selves? To break open our untapped potential?

What if we were to commit to and exercise discipline towards things that really, truly matter to us as individuals? 

And what if this discipline on an individual level not only drives us to become the best versions of ourselves, but to create revolutionary, sustainable change on a global level?

Yes, we are but drops of water among an ocean of sharks. 

And yet, each drop of water banded together has the ability to become a force that determines the weather systems of the entire planet. 

It all starts with you. It all starts on an individual level.

My millennial brothers and sisters – I know we’ve been handed a gigantic plate of shit and were told to accept it as is. I know we have our work cut out for us without having learned the tools to do this work with mastery and skill. 

I also know that we all have gifts we came to this Earth with. 

And I know that we were born into this generation, this role in human history, precisely BECAUSE we are capable of changing the trajectory we are on. 

The question is… have we tapped into this knowledge yet? Have we acquired the tools to harness our gifts and the discipline to master them? 

I’m on my way there, and I will never stop growing, learning and unlearning, and opening to love and a better way of being.

If I can do it, you certainly can too.

The world needs us, my friend. 

It may be a challenging road ahead. It will require discipline, courage, strength of heart, mastery of mind, rest, and self motivated evolution. 

It will be hard work, yes. And we don’t have to go it alone. We’re in this as One. 

Make The Shift From Determinism To Free Will With Discipline

Which is stronger? Instant gratification or your ability to resist temptation in order to build something greater? 

Discipline is the missing link between the life you have now and everything you want to manifest! 

Manifestation, contrary to popular belief in some circles, is an ACTIVE process. 

It is not about wishing things into existence. Instead, it is a collaborative process in which you meet the magic of the Universe halfway in cocreating what you envision through taking measured action.

Now this action may look different for everyone, and it doesn’t always mean putting your nose to the grindstone. 

Along my journey, some of the biggest pivots in my manifestation game came from cognitive shifts I actively and consciously worked on every. Single. Day. 

The discipline doesn’t always need to exist in the external force you put out into the world. Sometimes it’s about training your mind through reframing your perspectives, cultivating inner harmony with your emotions, and resolving internal resistance.

Discipline is the essential fuel in taking the action, even in the face of discomfort, and it is fed by a commitment to your WHY – your reason for being, for doing, for living. 

It’s all too easy to get distracted by empty pleasures. 

That instant dopamine hit that comes from eating that snack, binging on Netflix, or checking social media notifications can be extremely tempting. 

An untrained mind may bend and cave to impulse – it is far more effortless to do the things you’ve always done, and to exist the way you’ve always been. 

However, if we continue to operate from our subconscious programming, we fall into the clutches of Determinism – we’re not exercising our free will and we are running our life on autopilot.  

Free Will comes into play when we use discipline to reprogram our beliefs, thus changing our thought patterns, which shifts our entire reality and gives us the option to actually come into our sovereignty and exercise free will. 

The option to step into Free Will only comes through tapping into the conscious mind.

So which is it going to be? 

Are we going to allow our programming to dictate our thoughts, emotions, actions, and therefore, continue to play the role of who we have been taught to be?

Or are we going to step into our power, claim ownership over our minds and bodies, and grow into who we came here to be? 

The choice is yours, my friend! 

We owe it to the ourselves and the world to own our fullest potential and stop taking the easier path. The world needs our gifts more than ever. 

Discipline Means Not Always Following Your Joy

There is a delicate balance between following what feels good in the present moment, and discipline. 

If you’re reading this post, chances are you are no stranger to the world of self care and personal development. 

It can become an increasingly tricky world to navigate the longer we are immersed in it because of the shadow side of spirituality – the spiritual ego can masquerade as enlightenment and spiritual bypassing may dress itself up as living in the Now.

An important question we could benefit from pondering is – am I subscribing to the follow your joy philosophy because it is truly in alignment with my purpose or am I using this philosophy to avoid discomfort in the present moment? 

Growth is not found within the confines of our comfort zone. Growth and healing are uncomfortable – they push the boundaries of our current limitations. 

Just as training the physical body comes with certain aches and pains in the process of building strength, flexibility, and endurance, so too does the same happen with the mind.

Where does your desire for comfort end and your ability to exercise your will power begin?

Discipline sometimes means doing the thing that doesn’t always feel the greatest in the moment. 

It means working through your resistance and coming to a place of internal consensus as to what is truly in alignment with your path – not only in the present experience, but also with the future you are building.

Discipline can feel uncomfortable. It can feel rigid and unyielding. 

It is also the cornerstone for maximizing your innate potential.

There are times to be gentle with ourselves, to revel in the spontaneity of life, and to indulge in what makes us feel good in the moment. 

And there are also times to be disciplined in the standards we hold ourselves to because we know that it is this structure, this accountability, and personal responsibility that drives us to become our fullest versions. 

To strike a balance between these two poles is an art form in itself. 

We owe it to ourselves and the world to explore what true discipline and mastery means to us. 

With the tenacity and the skill to embody these traits, we break through our self-imposed limitations. It is then that the improbable becomes possible. 

With discipline, what you desire becomes what you have created.

Rape Of The Feminine

I howl with the fury of all the Daughters I have been
My Soul bears the wounded Hearts of the Feminine 
Cries of Sisters bereaved passed down for millennia 
As foreign invaders continue storming the shores of our Sacred Space

I drink the wine of the Feminine womb
Bathe myself in the tears of Daughters forsaken 
Sacred connection sullied by the egos of lesser “men”
Domestication of the Primal Feminine disintegrates the Stars in our eyes to ash

And still our Magick prevails
And still our Wisdom heals
And still our Voices rise
And still our Bodies flower
And still our Hearts open

Lavender on my skin burns with the suppressed rage of a thousand Suns
I call upon the Dark Moon Goddess to unleash my pain
Her pain
OUR pain

The Rape of the Feminine shall continue no more

The whites of my eyes burn with visions of Sisters caged
Desecration of our Sacred Sex threaten to turn my Heart black 
Reflections of my pain mirrored in every Woman’s eyes I meet

Sisters, do you feel me?

All the sage on Earth is not enough for to burn the filthy fingerprints of lost men from my hips
With every corner I turn
Blame cast like curses bind the shame tighter around my ribs
Fingers pointed at my breasts paint me scarlet

The flames in my belly doused with Father wounds left untended
Lips of the love-starved suck the nectar from my Womb
Entranced by the power to take, to control
Greed rips the Magick from my core

Please Brother, hear my plea
Do you not see?
Stripping me of my power will not amplify yours
Burrowing your sorrow into my birthing grounds only passes it onto your Sons
Injecting me with your poison only quickens your own decay

Brothers, why have you deserted us? 
Hands meant to protect press violet into our throats
Arms meant to guide jerk the breath from our lungs
Eyes meant to love delight in the violence of our wails
Why do you bloody your Spirit with brutality to hide from your own pain? 

If not for the Love of the Masculine Heart I would beseech Wolf Mother to tear the evil from your throats
The Light within me will not allow my Heart to be tarnished with the notion of vengeance 
Breeding more Hatred, more pain 
Serves no one

And yet, when the Night is darkest
The Feminine Wild in me calls for the Shadow of a hundred days without Sun
If it is a male God who blesses these rites of passage into “Manhood”
I will burn your temples to the ground

I will break the chains of the Daughters you caged
Anoint my Sisters with the Righteous Rage of Winds of Change 
Reignite the flames you sought to extinguish with the toxins seeping from your flesh

Sisters, are you with me?

It is time for the Rising of the Wild, Dark Feminine
Reclaim your Power now
The battle of the Heart has begun

Goddess, mark my words
The Patriarchy will fall

Brothers, join our cause
Or seek shelter
Destruction is coming and she will be swift and sure-footed

The old must burn
To Birth the new

Coping With The Loss Of My Grandfather

My grandpa was fucking awesome. 

He moved on from this life earlier this week at the ripe old age of 90. 

Witnessing and feeling into his suffering while being completely powerless to take his pain away was the hardest part of the week leading up to his death.

I’ve never as actively engaged with grief as openly and willingly as I have with this current experience with death, and the learnings have been many, with more sure to come.  

When our human vessels age, dealing with ailing health for many years is often an accepted part of the human experience. With the way we as a collective currently live life, it makes sense that the end of life is commonly accompanied with dis-ease and suffering. 

Losing a grandparent in particular can be so difficult because we tend to trivialize the death with thoughts like,

“They lived a long life.” 

“It was their time.”

“At least they’re not suffering anymore.“

And while these may all be true, it does not make the loss any less significant. It does not make the grief any easier to bear. 

We sometimes invalidate, deny, and reject our own realities, especially if we were taught that emotions are weakness and are still learning to hold our own emotional experiences with kindness and love. I’ve witnessed this in myself, as well as with loved ones and clients. 

When the days are darkest, it is the easiest to revert to old emotional and cognitive patterning – a small, familiar comfort amidst a sea of change and grief. It takes many tiny decisions of active self love and remembering to practice all the tools you’ve learned and choose to use them as often as you are able in order to maintain some semblance of stability. 

My default programming has been to invalidate the shit out of my own emotional states. 

After 5 years of active self healing, rewriting old belief systems, learning how to emotionally process and regulate, and 18 months of coaching clients to do the same, when the going gets tough, I still have a challenging time with this. 

I still falter, I still revert to old patterning, I still need more practice with the tools I’ve been acquiring.

And the practice is always most imperative when the weather has knocked the wind from your sails. This is also when it is the most difficult to do. 

This is a testing ground to see how much we’ve truly grown. 

It’s all well and good to do the meditation, gratitude, breath work, yoga, journaling, creating, connecting, healthful eating when everything is bright and sunny. But can we do it when we need ourselves to the most? 

We can choose to self isolate, to ignore the signs from our bodies, to indulge in distraction. 

We can choose to numb it and escape it with food, with sex, with Netflix. We can choose to exacerbate it by feeding into the damaging self speak, cyclic thoughts and emotional patterns. We can attempt to control what happened by placing blame, on self or external circumstances. 

That’s all okay too, it’s all a part of the process. It’s human to falter, to be thrown off course. It may even be a necessary part of the journey. 

Just don’t choose to stay there. Take as long as you need to process, to express and release, to mourn. And then when you’re ready – course correct. 

When we decide to feel our grief, to remember who we are and the wisdom we all hold, we must embrace every aspect of this feeling experience. To hold it with gentleness and patience. 

The grieving will ebb and flow, with some days being easier than others. Sadhguru taught that death is challenging for the living because of the hole in our lives that was creating by the loved one leaving. 

It will take time to fill that hole. And during this time, we will learn new strengths, discover more about ourselves, get checked hard by reality, laugh, cry, and experience every emotion on the spectrum. 

There is no right way to grieve. We simply mourn as we do. We do the best we can with what we’ve got. And that is enough. 

Let us do ourselves a favor by being understanding and kind with ourselves. Let us not make this process any more painful by forcing ourselves into a box of what we think grief should be and feel like. 

Death is a masterful and formidable teacher in the school of life. None of us are exempt from learning the lessons only death can teach. 

And in the most challenging of lessons, the greatest treasures are discovered. 

Hold on to your horses fam, we’re leveling up again. 

Wisdom From The Crone

My Crone has been speaking to me lately – she’s the wizened, future me in her late 50’s – early 60’s. Silver-haired and wrinkled with wisdom. She reminds me to take it easy. She shows me how abundant she is –

And how abundant I already am. 

I’ve been able to tap more into that future self in this past year. Not so able to see the surrounding circumstances, but rather, channeling how I feel in the future. As if  everything I’m desiring and co-creating is already here. And that’s when I realize, it already is. 

I just need to keep doing the work. 

plant by ariari is licensed under CC | Source

You see, even plants have a season of underground growth. 

You’re digging through the mud, working your way towards the light, getting dirty in all the shadow work, mastering your craft, learning new skills, having the ugly cries. 

The wisdom of the Crone is that everything happens in cycles and seasons. 

There are times of expansion AND contraction. Both are necessary just as the breath comes with inhales and exhales. 

And when you pay extra close attention, you’ll start to notice, that each time you contract, the following expansion opens you even wider – to love, to bliss, to peace, to purpose, to new growth sure to come. 

There is a time to sow and a time to reap. 

plant by Yamanaka Tanaki is licensed under CC | Source

Don’t get down on yourself during the times of underground growth, where you’re busting your ass, you’re not seeing tangible results, where you’re reassessing and learning – these are the times to be kind with yourself. 

Be gentle in how you hold yourself. 

Don’t let your outcome define your self worth. Don’t let who you are become attached to what you do. 

If part of your inner work right now is to come into a place of emotional and relational harmony with yourself, then we must learn how to unhook ourselves from the cycle of emotional rollercoastering. (That’s right, I just made rollercoastering a word.)

In fact, you’re already doing just that aren’t you? That’s why you’re here. Be patient with this part of the process. 

This is the season when you’re learning resilience in every sense of the word.